The (Somewhat) Inevitable Harem of One Tsunayoshi Sawada
by FruitPastilles
Summary: Fourteen days after his twenty fourth birthday, Tsuna came to realise that over the past ten years he'd steadily been amassing a harem of (dangerous) men. Of course, by then, it was too late. Crack. TYL Verse. All27. Maybe OOC.
1. Mukuro wasn't in my bed this morning

**The (Somewhat) Inevitable Harem of One Tsunayoshi Sawada**

Fourteen days after his twenty fourth birthday, Tsuna came to realise that over the past ten years he'd steadily been amassing a harem of (dangerous) men. Of course, by then, it was too late. Crack. TYL Verse. All27. Maybe OOC.

Chapter One _"Mukuro wasn't in my bed this morning."_

_**Day Five**_

"Mukuro wasn't in my bed this morning. Does anybody know where he's gone?" Tsuna asked it at the breakfast table - consisting of himself, Hibari, Gokudera, Yamamoto and Lambo - that morning as he pushed his eggs around on his plate, unsure if he was hungry or not. At the resounding silence that followed his words, he lifted his head, meeting several pairs of eyes that ranged from incredulous to angry. Mostly angry.

"T-That pineapple sleeps in your bed, Tenth?" Gokudera recovered his voice first and Tsuna nodded, deciding to stab a piece of bacon with his fork before bringing it to his mouth and chewing on it slowly.

Gokudera took in a slow breath before asking, "And this is normal?"

"Yeah. He's been doing it for the past three years now. I normally wake up earlier than him, but this morning he wasn't there." Tsuna set his fork down and picked up his mug which was steaming with coffee.

"Tenth, did he force you into any illicit actions?" Gokudera sounded scandalised, his voice nearly dropping to a whisper.

Tsuna choked on his drink, slamming the mug down and coughing harshly as he whacked a fist against his chest, trying to breathe normally again so he wouldn't be known as the mafia boss who died by choking on a hot drink because of being asked an inappropriate question by his Guardian.

"_Illicit actions?"_ he wheezed out. "We're both consenting adults anyway Hayato, I'm not fourteen anymore!" Tsuna was genuinely startled when Gokudera swayed momentarily on his seat before his forehead slammed into his breakfast, the Storm Guardian unconscious.

Tsuna stared at Gokudera for a moment, hands hovering uncertainly before he sighed and resigned himself to realising that this was going to be one of _those_ days. When Hibari slammed the business end of a tonfa through the – expensive, as everything in this building inevitably was, Tsuna's mind supplied helpfully – table, jerked to his feet and left the room with a frightening expression on his face, that only solidified Tsuna's notion.

"So Tsuna, you mean you and...and Mukuro..." Yamamoto began, catching Tsuna's attention before sticking his pinkie out, expression serious and Tsuna was forced into spluttering again when he realised what the other was insinuating after a moment's thought, wondering if he was going to have a heart attack by the end of the day.

"Oh my goodness, no! He just sleeps in my bed is all! No, god no!" Tsuna's face was bright red as he vehemently denied it. "I'm used to another person being there because of when Reborn was my tutor, and Mukuro, well...Mukuro just filled in the space, I guess. Oh god, where do you even _get_ an idea like that Takeshi?!"

"Why Mukuro?"

"I don't know." Tsuna stabbed at his eggs this time. "It just happened. I barely even remember why. We're not doing..." his voice lowered to a conspirators whisper and his cheeks reddened again, "_That."_

His horrified tone set Lambo giggling like a schoolgirl into his glass of water, nearly spraying a mouthful of the liquid across the table.

Tsuna shovelled the now cold eggs into his mouth, dragged a piece of toast around the plate, swallowed it down in a handful of bites and then downed his lukewarm coffee (while wishing it was a shot of whiskey) before he stood, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. He shuffled slightly to the side to pull Gokudera out of his food, wiped his right hand man's face with a clean napkin and then bowed stiffly to the rest of the room and walked away.

As he walked down the corridor, straightening out his tie as he did so, he realised that nobody had answered his question as to where Mukuro had gone. Ten seconds later after this musing thought, there was a reverberating explosion from the grounds and Tsuna decided that Hibari had most likely found the Mist Guardian.

It still didn't explain as to why he'd had an empty bed that morning unless...Tsuna felt his cheeks drain of colour and he slumped briefly against a wall, hand over his heart. He wouldn't be...would he?

He decided not to dwell on the thought and made his way to his office instead, intent on focusing on his work instead of his impending doom. He could do without the extra stress, thank you very much.

(He already spent a veritable fortune on antacids. He was popping them more often than his Hyper Dying Will Mode pills.)

* * *

"Tsu-na-yo-shi-kun!" Mukuro called as he stepped through the double doors leading to the office of the Decimo, a bright smile plastered on his face. "There's a certain rumour going around that _somebody_ missed me in their bed this morning!"

He paused halfway across the room at noting that, while Tsuna was sat upright, his chin in his palm as if he were listening to him, his eyes were closed and he was quietly sleeping on the desk, mouth parted just slightly.

A devious smirk twisting his lips attractively, Mukuro approached and moved to rest his trident against the side of the desk. Slowly leaning forward, one hand braced on the desk, Mukuro moved so his head was next to Tsuna's and, very softly, he blew into the brunette's ear.

The effect was instantaneous.

Tsuna shot up straight, hands scrambling on the desk for purchase as he yelped, "I'm working Reborn, I'm working!" In his struggles, he knocked over an inkwell and dove over the desk to catch it before it before the ink spread too far and before the well itself dropped over the edge.

Fiasco over, Tsuna realised his actions were completely unbefitting of a twenty four year old and was aware of the deep chuckles. When he lifted his head, shifting his weight back over the desk as he did so, his eyes met Mukuro.

At first, Tsuna was indignant, complaining loudly, "Mukuro! What was that for!"

"Your reaction was amusing, Tsunayoshi. Adorable too." Mukuro offered another smirk as Tsuna twitched, mouth turned down in a mix of a frown and a pout.

"That was awful. Not funny at all. But it doesn't matter. J-Just don't do it again! Where were you this morning?" Tsuna turned his eyes to his desk as he shuffled his papers into some semblance of neatness, staring with a vague sense of doom at the now forming ink stain on the previously unblemished desk. It was the third this month. Desk, that was. Not ink stain.

The first had been broken by himself – completely by accident, he swore up and down – when he lost patience at someone, slammed his hands on the desk, and consequently broken the solid mahogany wood piece of furniture. Not to mention he'd knocked one of his guests out with a wayward paperweight.

Reborn had later told him the desk was worth over six thousand Euros and was considered an antique.

(Tsuna had bemoaned why he was using an obviously expensive desk as his own when bad luck followed him everywhere. Reborn had followed up with a pistol whip to the back of the head. It _hurt._)

The second desk had met an untimely demise – along with several dozen reports which Reborn made Tsuna rewrite out, by hand – when Hibari and Mukuro had shown up at the same time to discuss something about contracts or missions or _something _and had inevitably gotten into a fight.

This desk, while not expensive as the first, still had an impressive price tag. Reborn set about devising a punishment synonymous with desk breaking that was set into motion that afternoon. Tsuna's muscles still burned with the memory.

(Again, Tsuna complained at the expense of a simple table. Once again, he was left with a lump on the back of the head and a headache to rival all headaches.)

This desk seemed salvageable, Tsuna reckoned. The papers splattered by ink, however, were not.

(Tsuna felt himself age by a couple of years as he stared despondently at the black splotches on formerly pristine white pages.)

Mukuro, unaware of Tsuna's inner despair, chuckled into a gloved hand. "Oh? So the rumours _are_ true. You missed me, Vongola!"

Tsuna tilted his head to face Mukuro again, fingers grasping at the papers. "Of course I did. It isn't like you to break habit unless something drastic happens. I assume you have a suitable excuse and that I'll expect you tonight and tomorrow morning?"

Mukuro came to a halt, unable to find words for a moment because he assumed that Tsuna would have both vehemently and loudly (if not violently) deny missing Mukuro. Not only that, but inviting the other back to his bed completely startled him.

Tsuna watched Mukuro first with worry at the conflicting expressions and then with apprehension as the other began laughing softly before he broke out into nearly maniacal chortles. Tsuna quickly scurried around his desk and took hold of Mukuro's trident, stabbing him with the blunt end of it, herding him towards the door.

Before he threw the trident out and slammed the door, Tsuna called out, "See you tonight, Mukuro!"

On his way to Tsuna's office, arms laden with paperwork, Gokudera came to a halt, eyes wide with disbelief and horror at the words Tsuna had shouted.

Tsuna simply watched with mounting dread as Gokudera pitched to the side and passed out again, pages fluttering all around him like a mockery of snow. It was a testimony to his life that he didn't know whether or not he should be more worried about his Storm Guardian or the amount of paperwork scattered all over the floor, in danger of being trampled and scrunched up and ruined.

After a moment, paperwork outweighed Guardian – besides, he'd already wiped Gokudera's face this morning, he reasoned, that could be his good deed to his Guardian today – and with a resolute sigh, he began gathering the wayward pages.

(He'd apologise for scaring Gokudera later and clean up the whole Mukuro mess with him. It seemed as though Yamamoto had neglected to give him the details after he'd woken up from passing out at breakfast – food poisoning?)

* * *

_**Day Seven**_

Tsuna stretched as he woke up, muttering as he realised he couldn't extend his limbs as far as he wanted to before his arm encountered something warm. Assuming it was Mukuro in that direction, Tsuna rolled to the other side of his (sizeable) bed and immediately ran into something else warm. Cracking an eyelid open, Tsuna eyed Mukuro's sleeping face warily, too woozy to connect any dots at the moment.

Upon realising that there couldn't be two of Mukuro, he rolled over again to see what was restricting his movement on the other side.

His brain lazily began to fire up as he associated angry eyes to a face, a face to a name. Then...

"_Hiee!"_

Hibari Kyoya did not look happy at being woken up at approximately five forty two AM on a Saturday morning.

* * *

_**Day Nine**_

"Is it really necessary to cause so much damage?" Tsuna bemoaned, shaking a handful of paper at Xanxus' face as if he didn't have a death wish. "I ask you to maim people, not destroy buildings. I don't even like asking you to do _that_ but you still manage to make a mountain out of a molehill in the ways of destruction and innovated, impromptu land development."

"What was that!?" Xanxus roared in return, sweeping his hand to the side, narrowly missing whacking Tsuna, and then throwing wads of paper onto the floor off of the desk along with an inkwell, two paperweights and a pen that was both fancy and a gift from Timoteo.

(Tsuna almost started crying at the mess but then that would have been both a sign of weakness and unmanly. Not to mention, if – _when_, not if – Reborn found out, what the consequences would be.)

"I'm only asking for a little less collateral damage! And, if you can't do that, keep some of the Varia on a leash at least! They're _excessive!"_

"Ushishishi, that's a little kinky of you, Vongola."

Tsuna twisted to face the other member that had accompanied Xanxus and then proceeded to shake papers in his face too. "You do this much paperwork and then see how you fare! You be the boss and see how many things you have to sign because somebody decides that a fountain, two housing estates and a park need to be taken apart to apprehend _one_ man! One! He wasn't even mafia! Not even a little! Just a supplier!"

Almost throwing his papers to the floor, Tsuna stalked around to the other side of the desk to put the piece of furniture between himself and the two Varia members, slamming the pages onto the desk.

(He gave a quick prayer to whoever was listening that the wood creaked but didn't break.)

"Well, what's done is done. Off you go. Shoo." Tsuna waved a hand dismissively at them as if they were dogs or manservants.

The look on Xanxus' face as the desk gave way under his hands was priceless when the man decided to slam down on the wood in an attempt to get into Tsuna's face in a display of aggression akin to a territorial male trying to put another in its place.

(Hibari would be so proud of the action)

The comical effect was ruined when Tsuna automatically reached out to catch him (he was used to Lambo's klutziness) and was head butted in the nose for his troubles, starting a nosebleed that just wouldn't stop.

Sat on the floor, surrounded by pages (one of which he was using to stem his nose and, knowing Tsuna's luck, it's demotion to a makeshift tissue would cause worldwide catastrophe) and all but sprawled in the lap of a pissed off Xanxus, Tsuna reached out to the remains of his desk, yanked a packet of antacids out from a crushed drawer and promptly popped several into his mouth before shoving the packet towards Xanxus who, after a moment, begrudgingly accepted the pseudo peace offering.

It might have gone well from there if Belphegor hadn't suddenly decided to throw himself on top of the two bosses with a gleeful, quite frankly disturbing, laugh, and a call of, "Dog pile on Vongola!"

When the door opened to a murmured, "Tenth, we've just received word that – " followed swiftly by a choked noise and a soft thumping, Tsuna started to feel guilty.

(Gokudera had passed out more in the past ten days than he had in the past ten _years. _Tsuna was beginning to wonder if it was his fault.)

* * *

_**Day Eleven**_

After the first time it had happened, Tsuna had realised that screaming in the face of Hibari was not the best way to start his morning off so, whenever he woke up, and the Cloud Guardian was staring at him (he was watching him sleep, wasn't he?) Tsuna just shrugged it off as best he could and decided to be thankful that Mukuro and Hibari didn't fight in his bedroom for whatever reason. He didn't question it.

That morning, however, there was a weight across his chest and across his legs. He almost sneezed at the feel of hair under his nose and, after opening his eyes, was almost unsurprised at seeing Lambo having squeezed himself between Mukuro and Tsuna, his limbs spread across Tsuna's body.

The young Lightning Guardian must have clambered in during the night but Tsuna, lost in sleep because of his body clock – he fell asleep at eleven twenty seven like clockwork no matter where he was and woke up at five forty one unless suitably disturbed - hadn't felt him scramble in, get under the covers _or_ attach himself to Tsuna like a limpet.

(Now that he thought about it, he was glad that Lambo must have inevitably climbed over Mukuro, not Hibari. The results would've been disastrous otherwise.)

What he didn't understand was why Lambo had decided to take a space close to him when the bed was a monstrosity and could more than likely fit Lambo pretty much anywhere he wanted without fear of falling off.

He shrugged it off and tried to push the other off of his side gently, wriggling and pushing gently. Lambo simply snuffled and buried his head further under Tsuna's chin with a soft whimper. A little bit of Tsuna's already soft heart melted at the noise and he decided breaking schedule for once wouldn't hurt anyone.

(He really should've anticipated Gokudera walking in at six twenty when Tsuna didn't show up for briefing with his right hand at six. At least this time he collapsed onto a plush rug – a gift - and not into a wall or onto an unforgiving floor.)

* * *

_**Day Twelve**_

As Tsuna stared at his bedroom ceiling – was it even his bedroom anymore? – he wondered if Dino had to go through the same trouble he did with his Famiglia members. Probably not.

Sighing through his nose, Tsuna combed his fingers through Lambo's hair, giving a feminine giggle as the teen buried his face further against the Vongola Decimo's neck.

The source of his current plight was currently sprawled out on the other side of Hibari.

(His bed was becoming a magnet – maybe there was a memo going round that his bedroom was a free for all.)

Yamamoto had decided it was his turn to join in the slumber party and, clad only in silk boxers, was sprawled out on top of the covers, face turned into the pillows as he snored softly. Tsuna envied him and the rest in his bed for being able to sleep when he couldn't.

His Rain Guardian wasn't the only new addition though. Tsuna had no idea when Ryohei had come back from his spontaneous visit to Namimori to see his sister, but the former boxer, still fighting enthusiast, was currently tucked under the blankets on the other side of Mukuro, arms spread wide, mouth parted as he breathed softly in sleep.

The only person missing was Gokudera.

(Tsuna wouldn't be surprised if the other was sleeping in the infirmary because of how much he'd been fainting lately. There _had_ to be something wrong with him to be passing out like it was going out of style.)

Squinting his eyes to try and see past Hibari's and Yamamoto's heads at the analogue clock on the bedside table, Tsuna read the digits as three twenty four, a full two hours before he was supposed to get up (it was warm in the bed and that was what had woke him up early in the first place) and decided he would try to get back to sleep.

Almost two hours and seventeen minutes later, exactly, Tsuna woke up again to find out that the inevitable had happened. Gokudera had appeared.

(And practically spooning Yamamoto too, while he was at it.)

* * *

_**Day Thirteen**_

"You really are an idiot, you know," Reborn callously offered as he watched Tsuna write his signature on a piece of paper that he only gave a cursory glance to.

(Xanxus was just mocking him now. A hotel chain building destroyed wasn't something to scoff at.)

"I always am in your eyes."

"More of an idiot than usual then."

"This idiot helped contribute to fixing the Arcobaleno curse, don't make me regret it," Tsuna responded before his brain could catch up with his mouth.

(He was doomed. The foreboding feeling from two weeks ago hadn't been just his imagine, just a warning to this. He was _doomed.)_

"I'll make you not regret it."

Tsuna tried to stop the colour draining from his cheeks at how close Reborn's voice was, and because of the pale, long fingered hands that had pressed on his desk in his line of vision. Slowly looking up, his eyes met Reborn's dead on, the hitman leaning on his desk.

(He hadn't even written his will yet. There were so many things he wanted to say!)

"N-No, it's fine. I don't regret it. I-It's okay, you don't have to make me do anything!" Tsuna quickly stammered out, waving his hand quickly before it was swiftly caught in one of Reborn's own.

"Oh, I'm sure you don't. It doesn't hurt to give you a lesson though. I didn't realise how dense you had become in my absence, Tsuna."

"Dense? How?" Tsuna cocked his head to the side, hand not grasped in Reborn's lifting to brush his hair from his face.

If it hadn't of been above him, Reborn would have face palmed. Instead, he reached out of his free hand, moved it to the back of Tsuna's head, fingers brushing his scalp almost delicately – and then abruptly slammed the Decimo's head into the desk. Hard.

(Tsuna decided that he'd lived a good life, he just regretted not being able to say goodbye to his mother.)

When Tsuna managed to swing his head back up there was a sheet of paper stuck to his face and there was a red mark on his forehead. Eyeing Reborn warily, Tsuna pushed his chair back from the desk, so he was out of Reborn's way and pulled the page away from his skin, the ink from his recently written signature now drying on his cheek.

"Think about it Tsuna. You may be dumb – it makes me wonder to this day how you've survived so long – but you aren't blind. I'll give you a hint. Think of all the people around you and how they've been acting."

"Hah?"

"What, you want to tell me that you wake up every morning with all of your Guardians spread out over your bed?"

"Well, recently? Yes."

Reborn looked somewhat surprised for only a brief moment before his expression twisted, like he was unsure whether or not to dissolve into laughter or break something.

"I mean, it started with Mukuro. You'd moved out and I couldn't sleep in the silence and it somehow developed to him staying. Couple of days ago he wasn't there and so I asked the other Guardians if they'd seen him...just kind of went from there. Kyoya almost broke a rib the first day."

Reborn pushed away from the desk and Tsuna flinched as the other stalked out of the room, trying to make sense of Reborn's words and actions.

* * *

_**Day Fourteen**_

Tsuna woke up that morning to find Lambo completely lying on top of him, almost crushing his lungs, his knee digging into his thigh painfully and, more surprisingly (terrifying, oh god, it was terrifying) Reborn at his side between him and Mukuro.

With all the bodies in the bed he couldn't help but feel like a king with his harem of concubines.

_Think of all the people around you and how they've been acting._

If Tsuna could sit bolt upright as if electrocuted, he would have. Instead, he let out an unattractive wheeze and weakly flailed a hand as his brain finally made the connection that he refused to believe in.

There was the gentle nip of teeth at his shoulder all of a sudden, and an arm trapped between Lambo and his stomach tightened across his abdomen, pulling him tighter against a body that was already close.

"Go back to sleep."

(He would rather not, thank you very much, he wanted to get up and run away as far as possible and not look back and become some non descript brunette who did not have seven guys in his bed that, apparently, had some semblance of attraction to him. Oh, god, how many more of them were there?)

"Listen to Hibari, Dame-Tsuna." A nip at his opposite shoulder and Tsuna was _gone._

(He was gentle in moving Lambo, however, carefully nudging the snoozing teen to the side before he bolted.)

Tsuna desperately scrambled over warm bodies, trying to escape without grievously harming any of his Guardians, already formulating a plan in his still sleep hazy mind.

The plan did not include getting caught by the ankle just when he was inches from being home free and being unceremoniously yanked over bodies again until he was settled back from the space he'd recently vacated with another warning to go back to sleep even as a drowsy Lambo draped himself back over his body.

(In retrospect, he blamed the whole situation because of the fact he'd asked where Mukuro had been that one morning. Now – somehow – he'd amassed his own harem. How did _that_ work?)

* * *

Hope you liked it! I tried to be humorous lol. I hope that the whole countdown thing wasn't confusing and that you managed to link it in with the summary!

**Should I continue with the 'Day etc...' format or just write the chapters out fluidly?**

Pick the characters you want! Pick literally anyone!

(Bear in mind that the Primo generation would be difficult though. Everyone else is fair game.)


	2. He was just stood there! Naked!

Chapter Two_ "He was just stood there. Naked!"_

_**Day Sixteen**_

"He was just stood there! Naked! He even _laughed_ Dino!" Tsuna wailed from his position spread out on the blonde boss' lap, hands moving animatedly in front of him. "I don't know if I should start measuring how bad my days will be from just that! He did it this morning, too!"

Dino just let his hands hover nervously, not sure if he found the situation amusing, should offer condolences or should just remain silent.

"I think I should just be grateful he doesn't come into my bed naked, just that he ends up that way."

Dino inhaled wrong, choked on air and then accidentally smacked the side of the Vongola Tenth, who abruptly sat upright on the couch the two had been sharing in his office of work, staring at Dino with a surprised expression.

"I-I'm sorry, what?" Dino managed to get out; staring at Tsuna in return, eyes wide and expression...he wasn't sure what his expression was doing.

(Tsuna despondently wondered if Dino was going to go down the route his Storm Guardian had gone, spontaneous passing out and all.)

"Well, he goes to bed in boxers but somehow loses them during the night! Takeshi's the first one up now – it used to be me, but I'm stuck under Lambo, Reborn and Kyoya – sometimes Mukuro if Reborn isn't there, I wake up with his hair in my mouth sometimes -, so I can't get out. I woke up yesterday morning to him coming out of the en suite, completely naked! The same thing happened this morning, too! He just grinned and laughed! No move to cover himself up!"

Taking in a deep breath and slowly counting to ten, Dino asked, once again, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Oh, god, it doesn't happen to you? All I did was ask why Mukuro wasn't in my bed that Tuesday morning – "

(When Dino spluttered, Tsuna was forced to thump his back, anxiously hoping that the other would stay conscious.)

"- and then my other Guardians suddenly decided that it was time they climbed into bed with me as well. What's worse is that Reborn joined in! Look at this!" Tsuna leaned forward, tugging his collar out of the way to show a red mark blooming on his shoulder (not a hickey, not a hickey, please not a hickey, just a bruise), stark against his skin tone. "I _woke up_ with it. I don't even know if it was Kyoya or Reborn or...or _what_."

(He refused to believe it could have been, in anyway, Lambo. He was just a teenager, young and innocent and carefree with bony limbs and a penchant of swapping out with his older self in awkward situations. As innocent as a mafia member could be anyway.)

"Is this normal?" Dino asked, deciding to ignore that his voice was pitched just so that he sounded on the wrong side of hysterical.

"I wanted to ask you that!"

"I've _never_ woken up to my Famiglia members in my bed Tsuna, how could you even begin to think it was normal?!"

(In fact Tsuna had never thought it was normal, he was just desperately clutching at straws and hoping that his situation wasn't unique.)

Tsuna just moaned and collapsed into Dino's lap again and, this time, the blonde rubbed his back in a calming motion.

"Well, at least they're getting along, right?" Dino offered weakly and Tsuna just gave a noise akin to a slowly dying animal against his thigh, hands clasped uselessly in his hair in a manner totally unbefitting of a respected and feared mafia boss.

That was when the door opened and Gokudera leaned through the gap he had made, seeking out Tsuna and freezing when he made eye contact with Dino, Tsuna slowly twisting his head at hearing the telltale creak of the oak doors.

(Don't pass out, don't pass out, please don't pass out Gokudera.)

Gokudera blinked a few times before his hands abruptly crunched down on the papers in his hands and set them ablaze with his Flame that had ignited without preamble from his ring.

(Tsuna felt part of himself break and wither away as he watched the ashes drift to the floor.)

Dino shook his head vehemently, hands shaking as well as he quickly denied, "It's not what you think, really! We were just talking!"

"What else could we – goddamnit, my hair is stuck on your zipper Dino, ow, ow, help me."

"Oh dear, have I come at a bad time?" another voice called out and Tsuna tried to jerk his head up again at recognising it to be Byakuran.

(Having hair torn from your scalp was something close to torture, Tsuna was just glad Reborn liked keeping up appearances and so had never devised a punishment in which Tsuna had to a lose a hair one by one from his head.)

His sudden yank had him losing his balance and he was forced to press a hand to Dino's lap to prevent himself from falling face first against the other again.

The choked out noise that Dino gave almost echoed in the room.

(Tsuna just wanted to know where he'd gone wrong in life.)

"Oh, is this a new service you're offering, Tsunayoshi-kun. Can I get involved?"

(Tsuna wondered briefly if this new desk had antacids for him or if he should just sit there quietly and foam at the mouth – _after_ taking his hand away from Dino's crotch.)

"I-I'm sorry Tsuna, I d-didn't mean to react like...I mean, it's not like...not saying you're unattractive or anything, actually I...you're really pale Tsuna, are you okay?!"

(He later reflected that passing out was almost blissful and wondered if this was why Gokudera tended to faint all the time nowadays.)

* * *

_**Day Seventeen**_

"No," Tsuna hissed. "There's no room. No."

"But – "

"Dino, for heaven's sake, _no_, there's no room. Besides, just yesterday you were asking if it was normal! It clearly isn't, so why are you here?"

"It looks comfy."

"Dino _no."_

(Was he talking to a mischievous puppy or what? It was starting to feel that way.)

"But Tsuna..."

Tsuna gave a strangled noise, let his head fall back down onto his pillows (his neck and head the only body parts he could move, a whole manner of limbs smothering the rest of him) and fell silent.

The weight on the bed shifted.

Two seconds later, an ominous creak followed by a loud 'crack', and the bed had collapsed.

(It ended with Tsuna being crushed by several bodies and Dino giving an unmanly yelp.)

* * *

_**Day Nineteen**_

"You have to let me stay here, it's getting ridiculous." Tsuna was complaining to Xanxus this time, sprawled out on the couch that the Varia boss' room offered.

"Why should I?"

"They _broke_ my _bed_ Xanxus, and now they expect me to choose who to sleep with for the next few days before the new one that was ordered comes through! Do you know what would happen to me if I said no to Reborn and Kyoya just to pick someone else? And I definitely know they won't share!"

The pen in Xanxus' hand snapped abruptly in half as the other asked (it was more of an incredulous roar), "Are you fucking with me?!"

"Am I really the only one this happens to?!" Tsuna was almost set on tearing his hair out but that wouldn't achieve anything. "I asked where Mukuro was and all of a sudden I'm literally drowning under all my Guardians. _Dino_ came along the other day and my bed broke! I slept on the couch in my office last night, but it wasn't really that comfortable so I came to see if you would offer me sanctuary. Don't your Guardians sleep in your bed?"

(In retrospect, asking anything of Xanxus was doomed to end badly.)

The silence that followed his question was drawn out and awkward. Finally Xanxus loosened his fingers from around the crushed pen in his hand and said, voice measured and almost calm (a warning sign in itself), "Second floor, left corridor from the main staircase, door at the end."

Tsuna got to his feet and felt the urge to kiss Xanxus in thanks but instead just offered a bright smile and merrily skipped his way out of the room.

* * *

Later that night, as he stared at the canopy of the four-poster bed above him, Tsuna slowly turned his head to the side and stated, matter-of-factly, "Xanxus. This is your bed."

"Yes."

"I'm in your bed."

"Yes."

The room fell silent again for a long moment. Finally...

"What's Squalo doing on my other side then?"

(Later, Tsuna wondered if his rapidly diminishing sanity was synonymous with the word 'bed'. It certainly seemed that way.)

* * *

_**Day Twenty**_

"I thought you said this didn't happen to you," Tsuna moaned that morning, trying to work his way out from underneath an arm that was stretched over his waist and Xanxus, owner of the offending appendage, simply glared at him.

"It doesn't. Not until you showed up. Scum."

(Tsuna refused to hear the hint of affection in Xanxus' voice because he had already resolutely decided this was some sick, twisted dream.)

"I thought you kicked Squalo out."

"I did."

Tsuna fell quiet for a second, turning his attention to the canopy and trying to ignore how tickly the long strands of silver hair (currently spread over his chest and practically _everywhere_ – how did Squalo keep on top of it?) were, since the loud Varia member currently had his cheek pressed to Tsuna's shoulder. Unable to help himself, Tsuna petted it. (Soft, his mind uselessly supplied. He found himself lucky that Squalo didn't do anything more than growl at him.)

"What's Belphegor doing here?" (The tiara had been digging into his thigh through the covers for the better part of an hour – Tsuna didn't understand why the other didn't just take it off to sleep. It didn't hurt, was just uncomfortable. What worried him most was how high the other's hand was on his leg.)

"I don't know."

Silence.

"Is Mammon even part of the Varia anymore?"

"...No."

"Then who's using my stomach as a pillow?"

(Tsuna decided after that particular incident, sitting down and crying was a perfectly acceptable pastime. Things were just steadily going from bad to worse.)

* * *

_**Day Twenty One**_

"You look tired, Vongola."

Tsuna flinched violently at the sudden voice, having been intent on the work in front of him, and accidentally scratched a line across pages and desk alike almost sobbing at the unfairness of it all. Instead he turned his attention to his visitor, setting the offending stationary aside.

"What are you doing here Byakuran? How did you get in?"

"Through the door."

"I mean without being mauled?"

"Well, that was a little harder, but I managed it!" Byakuran ducked down so he could smile into Tsuna's face, the brunette leaning back in his desk chair to try and put distance between himself and the other.

After the incident the other day with Dino and Gokudera (and Byakuran hovering in the background with a maniacal grin), Tsuna didn't want to risk anything untoward happening that could be mistaken for something much worse.

(Gokudera had later told him what he thought he and Dino had been doing. Tsuna had proceeded to sit in the shower and resist the urge to smack his head off of the tiled walls to get rid of the mental images brought up.)

At the abstract horror that crossed Tsuna's face while stuck in his thoughts, Byakuran gave a pitying smile and produced a bag of marshmallows, of which he offered to Tsuna, placing the bag on the desk.

Tsuna just let himself fall face first into the marshmallows, arms hanging by his sides as he groaned at his predicament.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Tsuna mumbled something again and Byakuran leaned in closer replying, "Sorry, one more time?"

"Do your Guardians sleep with you in your bed all at the same time too?" Tsuna's voice was uncharacteristically loud at that point because he'd lifted his head before letting it fall back to the soft bag of sweet treats.

"...Do yours?"

"For the past week." Tsuna lamented his fate. "A couple of days ago it was half of the Varia in Xanxus' bed. I don't know how I let it get this far."

(That morning with the Varia had been absolutely awful. Tsuna still couldn't look Belphegor in the eye without spluttering or blushing – it wasn't his fault Xanxus had all but slam dunked the self proclaimed prince's face into Tsuna's crotch!

He was at least eighty percent sure that Mammon had snapped a picture – or more - of the incident.)

"H-How did this happen?" Byakuran stumbled over his words for once.

"I asked why Mukuro wasn't in my bed and it progressed from there. I've had to explain this to so many people in the past week."

"How did the Varia become involved?"

"Dino joined in with my Guardians and it ended up breaking my bed. Instead of being forced to choose who to sleep with I went to Xanxus for help."

"You have quite the active life, don't you Tsunayoshi-kun." Byakuran snickered. "One would think you were throwing these innuendos left and right on purpose."

"Byakuran, I know that look on your face even if I can't see it. Ask me anything inappropriate, cause any collateral damage, or mention anything to my Guardians on the way out, and I'll end you."

"I was just going to suggest you stay with me tonight. Hearing how your Guardians get to sleep with you is making me a little jealous." Byakuran suddenly threw himself over the desk as if to get to Tsuna and Tsuna abruptly pushed his chair back, immediately thankful that it had wheels as he rolled over to the window, watching with remorse as his desk and papers were sacrificed for his safety.

Byakuran immediately stood from the mess, dusting himself down and making himself look like a boss of a respectful Famiglia instead of someone who had just attempted unprovoked molestation of _another_ Famiglia boss.

Tsuna, on the other hand, was scrambling for his gloves and pills, deciding that throwing himself through the wall to wall window set behind his desk to escape would be well worth it, consequences be damned.

(The punishment from Reborn later that day, while embarrassing and degrading, was better than being caught by Byakuran, in Tsuna's opinion, though it stung like hell when the Arcobaleno ruthlessly yanked pieces of glass out.

Tsuna tried to omit from his memory the part where Reborn would, with a devilish smirk, brush his mouth to each cut that bled instead of simply bandaging it straight away.)

* * *

_**Day Twenty Two**_

"God_damnit_ Byakuran, get out of my bed! How did you even get in here?!"

"Through the door."

A sigh and quiet movement. Tsuna felt the brush of skin against his calf.

"...At least tell me why Irie-san is here then, I do – hiee! Mukuro! Hands! Watch w – hurrk!"

(Later on Tsuna hesitantly apologised to Hibari for making so much noise. He reckoned he at least somewhat deserved the elbow in the windpipe he'd been given. Tsuna counted himself lucky that he hadn't come out with anything broken or permanently damaged. After his apology Hibari had proceeded to back him against a wall, stare intently at the bruise on his throat and then stalk away.)

"S-Sorry Sawada-san..." Shouichi whispered into the quiet room and Tsuna felt fingers close gently around his wrist, a thumb softly rubbing over the pulse in an attempt at a soothing motion.

Tsuna just wheezed out his response and tried not to asphyxiate, wondering if his windpipe was in danger of collapsing.

* * *

_**Day Twenty Four**_

"It's rare for you to come and visit us, Tsuna. You should have given me more warning," Yuni murmured softly, pouring Tsuna a mug of tea from an ornate teapot. "We would have been more hospitable otherwise."

"N-No, it's okay. I needed somewhere quiet with the hustle and bustle and hubbub of life at the moment. You're the only one I can trust, everybody else seems to just sort of migrate towards me! I had to check about four times to make sure Reborn was actually at the Vongola mansion and not here with you so he wouldn't find me and do something drastic or awful."

"T-Tsuna?" Yuni asked uncertainly and Tsuna dropped his face into his hands, moaning.

"Everybody wants to sleep with me all the time, it's starting to get ex – no, no, goodness no, not like that Yuni! No!" (The young woman had gasped, scandalised from the sounds of it.) "I mean, they want to be in my bed with me, or sleep in the same bed as me. No! I've already had Takeshi think that of me and Mukuro, I don't need you thinking anything too!"

"W-Wow. That seems a little unfortunate. Why are you here again?"

"I needed to relax for a little bit and hopefully stay here for a day or two, gather my bearings?" Tsuna offered wide desperate eyes to Yuni and she slowly nodded.

"Thank goodness! Reborn seems dead set on the fact that I've made myself a harem but, after thinking about it, I think he's just delusional."

"Delusional." Yuni chuckled softly. "That does sound a little like Reborn. Stay as long as you need to, Vongola. We'll be happy to accommodate you here. Want to tell me who has migrated towards you already?"

"If you don't mind me venting."

"Not at all Tsuna. It's always a pleasure to see you anyway."

(He should've known his luck was too good to hold out in hoping that Yuni wouldn't end up acting like the others.)

* * *

"Et tu, Yuni?" Tsuna mumbled sleepily as the mattress dipped to the side and the small body of the Sky Arcobaleno pressed against his side, thin arm reaching across his waist.

"Sorry Tsuna. You're just too cute. Maybe there is some merit to Reborn's thought after all."

"D-Do I have to worry about anyone else showing up?"

"Perhaps."

There was a shuffling on his other side as the mattress dipped and then a distinctly soft, male voice was murmuring, "Vongola Decimo. Princess."

"Gamma," Yuni briskly replied, voice breaking with a quiet yawn.

A warm arm settled above Yuni's across Tsuna's stomach.

(Tsuna decided at the time that crying into his pillows wouldn't have done anything more than most likely frighten Yuni. It didn't stop him from going back to the Vongola's Headquarters and finding a corner to whimper in.)

* * *

_**Day Twenty Five**_

'It' had developed.

(From just people taking up his bed space, and 'it' being the situation that Tsuna refused to believe he was anyway involved with, despite the fact everyone was very obviously crowding around him).

"Lambo, I can't work with you under the desk. It's distracting."

"You aren't getting distracted by Mukuro," Lambo complained, looking up at him imploringly, his chin on Tsuna's knee like some sort of lap dog, arms wrapped around the Decimo's calves. Tsuna couldn't help but reach out and ruffle his hair before replying, "I was going to tell him off next."

"I'm not even doing anything wrong."

"You're leaning over my shoulders and it's uncomfortable. Distracting as well. You keep breathing in my ear like some sort of lecher, too!"

"Tsunayoshi-kun, you wound me!"

A hand sneaking towards Tsuna's shirt buttons was swiftly slapped away.

"Please don't attempt undressing me during working hours, Mukuro." Tsuna studiously ignored the hands that slipped up his front to begin on his tie instead despite his warning.

"Oh? So at the end of the day I can take your clothes off?"

Tsuna waited for the right moment and then jerked his head back, some satisfaction accompanying the headache when he managed to smash the back of his head against Mukuro's chin.

"That looks like a no to me pineapple idiot!" Lambo laughed and squealed when Mukuro tried to throw himself over Tsuna to get to the Lightning Guardian.

Tsuna suddenly had to deal with the full weight of Mukuro on his back and his forehead abruptly slammed into the desk as his Mist Guardian attempted to throttle Lambo while Tsuna was posing as an obstacle.

A loud 'bang!' and a cloud of smoke later caused the desk to bump, almost tipping it over before two hands moved to Tsuna's thighs and pushed, forcing his chair to roll back and almost knocking Mukuro over in the same movement, who simply wrapped his arms around Tsuna's shoulders from behind the exasperated brunette.

It was with a sense of foreboding in his gut that Tsuna looked down at the twenty five year old Lambo (who had sprawled back out over his lap, grinning lazily), and when Mukuro tightened his arms around his shoulders with a dark sounding chuckle Tsuna considering breaking limbs in order to escape. Broken bones would heal. His sanity would not.

(He isn't even ashamed to say he shrieked when he was inappropriately groped. The worst part was that he couldn't tell if it was Lambo or Mukuro and so couldn't tell anyone off, though he still ended up accidentally kneeing his Lightning Guardian in the face which almost led to the arrival of twenty year later Lambo if Tsuna hadn't hurriedly diffused the situation before his quick departure.)

* * *

_**Day Twenty Six**_

"K-Kyoya?" Tsuna asked hesitantly, holding the shower curtain to his front as if attempting to protect himself from the volatile Cloud Guardian with only a flimsy (laughable) piece of material.

(He didn't know who he had to thank that the curtain was a deep blue and therefore not see through, but he would bestow a knighthood on the interior decorator or whoever had bought the luxurious bathtub shower mix if he could. He made a mental note to ask if it was Lussuria that had designed the inside of the current Vongola Headquarters.)

Nervously, his eyes darted to the door and he despaired on the inside at the broken lock and piece of wood that was barely hanging on by the hinges because of Hibari's abrupt and forced entry.

"D-Do you feel sick? Is that why you rushed in – " Tsuna abruptly cut off as Hibari reached out to his curtain as if to yank it aside (not just a curtain, it was his last line of defence).

(He only felt a little remorse later that day for kicking the other between the legs with all the force he could and downing him for seven critical seconds, time of which he used to grab a towel, dive into the bedroom, throw on some clothes and run, barefooted and screaming, down the corridor as Hibari shot after him like a bloodhound on the scent.

He had been able to run an impressive distance in an impressive time before Hibari managed to tackle him to the ground and then proceeded to bite the nape of his neck as if he were a predator asserting dominance.)

* * *

_**Day Twenty Seven**_

Tsuna froze in the doorway and quickly began formulating a strategy for escape before he was seen. Just as he began slowly stepping backwards, hands held up slowly as if to ward off any sounds he might make -

(He didn't know why he was so scared but he _knew_ he had a right to be scared. Somehow.)

- A weight dropped onto his shoulders – an arm – and any thoughts of running away were scattered by the winds to a place he couldn't reach.

"Hey Tsuna! Where were you going to go?"

(Away from here.)

"Nowhere, Takeshi. I was thinking about getting a drink but it would be rude if I left my guest by himself for any longer."

"Aha, that's fine! I'll get the drinks for you, okay? See you in a while Tsuna!" Yamamoto grinned and squeezed his arm around Tsuna's shoulders before departing.

Tsuna squealed and gained the attention of the occupant of the meeting like room as Yamamoto chose to slap his backside on his way out.

(Oh god, his cheeks were burning in a blush weren't they?)

"Tsuna?" Enma stood slowly from one of the plush chairs, and Tsuna blurted the first thought that came to mind, his brain to mouth filter no longer working. (It was a common problem lately.)

"Please tell me that you _don't_ want to climb into my bed with me tonight."

Enma was silent for a long moment, and Tsuna was ready to face embarrassment should he be questioned because clearly, if someone didn't respond, they thought the question was stupid, right?

"I don't want to climb into your bed with you tonight."

(Tsuna almost danced then, but settled for cheering wildly in his mind, desperately repressing the urge to pump his fist in success.)

"Though I wouldn't mind you joining me in _my_ bed instead." And here Enma cocked his head to the side, a picture of innocence.

Tsuna was forced to grip the edge of a seat so he wouldn't topple over and swallowed the need to first cackle insanely and then sob uncontrollably. Instead he replied, "Well, you wouldn't be the first."

"I doubt I'll be the last either, but I'll take what I can get."

(No, no, no! He didn't need that thought put into his head, how many more could there be?)

Tsuna choked on his inhale and a piece of the chair snapped off in his hand.

Enma was courteous enough to catch him when he lost his balance.

(Tsuna noted that the normally mild mannered young man copped a feel while he was at it and silently despaired.)

* * *

_**Day Twenty Eight**_

"Did I do something wrong with my life?" Tsuna asked his pillow. He was lying on his front in the bed, covers down to his waist.

"You did lots of things wrong Dame-Tsuna. I couldn't list them if I had all day."

Tsuna had stopped flinching whenever his furniture responded to his questions.

"No, I mean for this to be happening. I don't understand why everybody flocks towards me."

"You charm everyone you meet Tsuna, I doubt you can help it," Dino offered helpfully.

(Tsuna wanted to know how the blonde boss managed to spend so much time in his bed when he had his own Famiglia to run.)

"How?" Tsuna wailed, pressing his face into the pillow again.

"Because you're an adorable little shit with no sense of personal boundaries and a habit of trying to make friends with people trying to kill you." Reborn deadpanned.

"Is that really an answer?" Tsuna started attempting to smother himself, and delicate fingers pressed against his shoulderblade, following the curve of the bone before they slid up and settled on the side of his neck.

"Seems as good an answer as any, boss," was spoken quietly and Tsuna started violently, head jerking up and twisting around as he came up to eye level with Chrome.

"When did you get here?!"

(Shows how skewed his perception of what was normal and what was not when he couldn't even keep tabs of the people in his bed.)

"I've been here for a few days, boss."

Tsuna groaned and pressed his face back into the pillows, resisting the urge to cry, the urge only growing when Yamamoto asked suddenly, "By the way, where did you go when the bed broke last time?"

Chrome just consolingly patted his back gently.

* * *

This is just too fun to write so here's another chapter.

Thank you so much for the positive feedback! (Those of you who are anonymous I can't reply to you personally, but thank you very much!)

Thanks for the follows/faves too!

Here are some of the votes you chose. Just a rough guide for me to know who you want to see the most.

(Should I make it a poll on my page instead of sticking them at the end like this?)

Xanxus: 6  
Squalo: 4  
Belphegor: 4  
Fon: 4  
Byakuran: 4  
Yuni: 3  
Reborn: 3  
Colonello: 3  
Enma: 3  
Varia: 2  
Giotto: 2  
Dino: 2  
Chrome: 2  
Haru: 2  
Basil: 2  
Verde: 2  
Shouichi: 2  
Fuuta: 2  
**Iemitsu/Nana (Reaction): **2  
Cozart: 1  
Fran: 1  
Primo Generation: 1  
Alaude: 1  
Arcobaleno: 1  
Mammon: 1  
Skull: 1  
Hibari: 1  
Kyoko: 1  
Spanner: 1  
Bianchi: 1  
I-Pin: 1  
Genkishi: 1  
Gamma: 1**  
Classmates (Reaction): **1  
**Wild Card! Box Animals (Funny suggestion of animeXbooksXmanga): **1


	3. He woke up with a mouthful of ancestor

Chapter Three _"He woke up with a mouthful of ancestor."_

_**Day Thirty (One Month)**_

He woke up with a mouthful of ancestor.

(No, not like that. Mind out of the gutter please, you're just as bad as Yamamoto and Yuni.)

That is to say that Tsuna woke up to a mostly empty bed (intuition was a lovely thing sometimes – he could tell who was in his bed now without opening his eyes because of the sheer need to develop such a skill) and his cheek pressed against a clothed shoulder, of which he was literally chewing on. His first coherent thought was –

"Reborn, it's not nice to kick the others out; I can't deal with Lambo crying this morning and Byakuran's going to bug me for the rest of the day."

(When the Milliefiore boss sulked, it was as if to win an award. Tsuna had had to endure his 'pouty' face for about six hours just a few days ago and had given in just after four to hug the man turned five year old little girl who wasn't getting her way. Recalling Byakuran's smirk that day, Tsuna wondered if the other had planned it.)

- but the laugh he got in return, while masculine, was not Reborn.

Due to fight or flight instincts ingrained from his Spartan hitman tutor (mostly fight because of how ruthless he had been), Tsuna tried to throw himself off the bed and was caught around the thighs by strong arms, his body dragged back onto the mattress even as his hands scrambled at blankets and carpet alike in desperation.

The thought of what Reborn would do if he knew Tsuna had lost a fight _in his own bed, in his own mansion_ incited Tsuna to struggle harder.

(He thought far enough ahead to snatch a blanket as he careened over the edge when pyjama pants and boxers alike were tugged down – sacrificed! - during the fight for freedom.)

Now sat on the floor, covers held to his chest like he was some sort of...(he would have said 'virgin' but considering he _was _one and so couldn't really compare himself to being _like_ one, he begrudgingly settled on 'woman'. It made sense to him at least), he took a good long look at who had invaded his bed and gotten rid of his other companions.

"Oh god, what, no. This is ridiculous, I thought you came to me in times of great need or peril or...or...when I'm wearing the ring or gloves! I'm not even wearing it; it's on the bedside locker! And my gloves aren't here either! Look at my hands! Glove and ring free!" Tsuna then groaned in anguish, dropping the blanket so it was pooled in his lap and tugged on his hair angrily.

Giotto, sat on the bed cross legged and still holding onto Tsuna's pants and underwear, offered a winning smile as if he had no excuse for being there.

Of course this was the moment when Gokudera breezed in cheerfully to wake Tsuna up (Tsuna later found out the others had left him one by one to sleep because of his increasingly hectic nights and that was why they weren't there – it was already eleven twenty) and the atmosphere turned sour as the Storm Guardian took in the situation.

Tsuna should've expected what came next really.

(He didn't, however, expect the phone call from Enma later that day when the redhead asked why _his_ ancestor had appeared, asking over Tsuna when he was pretty sure that Cozart had never seen the brunette before.

Giotto, sat on Tsuna's desk opposite him at the time, had helpfully offered that it was him who had put the notion of Tsuna in Cozart's head in the first place – Tsuna chose, for the sake of his sanity, not to ask how two men who were supposedly _dead_ communicated in the afterlife or had even appeared in his life in the first place.

Tsuna's attempt at punching his ancestor failed and Giotto had used it as an excuse to wrap the smaller body up in his arms and cloak, claiming he was shielding the other from the world. Tsuna callously declared he should worry about shielding Tsuna from himself instead of worrying about others.)

* * *

_**Day Thirty One (One Month, Day One)**_

"Please tell me you came for Reborn."

Fon was frozen in the doorway of Tsuna's office, hand still holding on the doorknob from where he'd pushed the door open since he'd been called in.

(He had an almost slack jawed, somewhat humorous, expression but Tsuna was polite enough not to point this out.)

"Because if you have, that would be – " Tsuna abruptly shrieked and tried to get to his feet. The arms around his waist tightened and he cleared his throat, trying to make himself look respectful, even as he hissed from the corner of his mouth, "Reborn, I cannot work sat on your lap – _move your hand before I try to break it off _– and act properly, we have a guest!"

"I-I can come back later...it isn't imperative that I see Reborn."

Tsuna twisted his head around to face Fon again – he'd faced away to scold Reborn – and widened his eyes in worry that the other would leave, mouthing, _help me!_ desperately to the Storm Arcobaleno.

"No, it's okay! If you need to talk to him, go ahead. I'm not here!"

(Except he was here and was probably going to have had an anxiety attack by the end of the day if Reborn didn't stop touching him in inappropriate places.)

Fon approached slowly, if warily, like he was walking towards a skittish animal (Tsuna certainly felt like an animal of some sort, trapped into a corner by a voracious predator, the predator being Reborn and the metaphorical corner his lap) and was rewarded with a bright smile from the Decimo in return, who stuck his hand out for a handshake in polite greeting.

(His hyper intuition should have flared when Fon's fingers touched his.)

The long haired Arcobaleno reached out and took a firm hold of Tsuna's hand.

(These things happened too often lately and that was probably why he didn't realise the other's intent before it was too late.)

Tsuna gave his hand a brisk shake and smiled again, eyes closing with the expression (if he'd seen Fon's responding expression, he would have run screaming) as he said, "If I could leave for you to talk to Reborn, I would. Unfortunately, I'm sort of stuck." When he had finished speaking he loosened his fingers around Fon's hand and was surprised when the other didn't do the same.

Suddenly Fon shot forward, his inner martial artist showing with his speed, and wrapped his free arm around Tsuna's shoulders. In the same movement he yanked back and pulled Tsuna halfway from Reborn's lap who retaliated too late by tightening his arms only to have Tsuna slip out of his hands as he was pulled over the desk. (These wild moves dragged papers and stationary alike onto the floor, though Tsuna was sort of numb to the terror ignited by the mess by now.)

Fon, with his prize of the Vongola Decimo held securely to his front, gave a smile to Reborn and darted for the door, ignoring how Tsuna was sobbing at the inevitability and injustice of it all.

(Tsuna later found out both his hip and shoulder had been dislocated in the ensuing tug of war between two of some of the world's strongest fighters and was repaid by the two of them coddling him for the remainder of the day.

Just lying there and playing dead was the safest bet at the time.

Reborn still found time to grope him during it.)

* * *

_**Day Thirty Three (One Month, Day Two)**_

"I don't care if you're my ancestor; get out of my shower!"

(The door of the bathroom had been deadlocked and reinforced ever since the incident with Hibari but it still didn't stop someone from thudding into it and trying to rip it open at Tsuna's shriek.

Tsuna was just immensely glad that not only had he pulled back the shower curtain _before_ dropping his towel, but that Giotto's default appearance was clothed. Giotto looked more than a little disappointed but Tsuna decided to ignore his expression.)

* * *

_**Day Thirty Four (One Month, Day Four)**_

Tsuna stared up at the tall blond almost nervously, hands clenched at his sides and his eyes narrowed with anxiety. (He didn't know what he was waiting for, but his instincts screamed that it wouldn't be good.)

"I don't see what's so cute about you, kora, for Reborn and Fon to get into blows over you the other day," Colonello commented critically, (this was a first and Tsuna was delightfully startled that his instincts turned out wrong and that this person wasn't strangely obsessed with him like the others) peering down at the young Vongola boss and was almost disarmed by Tsuna's bright, cheery smile as the Vongola boss reached forward to exuberantly shake his hand in both of his own.

(Tsuna had run into Colonello when trying to sneak out of his office – the other had been looking for Reborn. At hearing what the blonde had to say, he was hard pressed not to say something impulsive or throw his arms around the other. That would be too unprofessional.)

"Oh, thank _god_ you think like that Colonello-san!" (He kept the urge to say 'marry me' under control.)

Colonello was reminded of the time ten years ago when Tsuna had come to Mafia Land, how his smile and cheeriness was still at an all time high even today, even with the crap the other had to go through (either in the way of fighting, running a Famiglia or tirelessly evading attempts of molestation) and it was somewhat commendable. Almost...

"Fuck. I take it back, kora. You are the cutest goddamn thing I've seen. One of the toughest, too, kora." (Whoops, there it was.)

Tsuna's heart dropped to the deepest, darkest pits of his stomach.

(He briefly recalled the moment of happiness he'd felt at thinking Colonello had only platonic feelings for him before his hopes were crushed into a pulpy mess similar to a piece of fruit in a blender.)

"T-Then can you please just express that in words instead of actions? I'll be forever grateful."

Colonello gave him a rueful grin.

"Sorry. No can do, kora. Have to keep up with Reborn or he'll complain I'm getting soft, kora."

(Colonello ended up tripping him up with his rifle before Tsuna could get far – he tried to run, really! -, and Tsuna just resigned himself to his fate of being carried away over the blonde's shoulder like he was the spoils of war.

He almost felt sorry for Colonello when Reborn came up behind him, since Tsuna could see the expression on the hitman's face while the blonde could not.

Almost.

He didn't appreciate having his hopes dashed, after all. Or being carried off like a sack of potatoes.)

* * *

_**Day Thirty Five (One Month, Day Five) **_

Mukuro tried giving him the safe sex speech that morning at breakfast.

Tsuna made a strategic escape by smashing Mukuro's face into his bowl of cereal with a well placed smack to the back of the head even as the table had started dissolving into a bed reminiscent to Tsuna's own (startling Chrome and making Gokudera choke on a piece of toast as he tried not to laugh while Lambo knocked over his glass in surprise) before he started running for his life knowing he only had a handful of seconds at most before his short experience of living would come to an end.

(He had now compiled a list of items that could be used defensively if he was pushed far enough. He'd finally managed to incapacitate Mukuro with an umbrella before bursting out of the front doors into the courtyard, tugging his gloves on and launching himself into the air to get away.)

* * *

_**Day Thirty Six (One Month, Day Six)**_

The first time he used a bathroom other than his en suite was also the last just because of the risks involved.

Squalo accosted him when he came out of the steamy room that evening shortly after dinner, tossing him carelessly over his shoulder and Tsuna came to the realisation he was being forcibly taken against his wishes, or 'kidnapped' if you will.

(He'd shrieked and thrashed because he was dressed in nothing but a towel cinched around his waist though he forced himself to be still when Squalo smacked the bare skin of the back of his thigh in warning, no more than a swat but a deterrent all the same.)

Tsuna didn't know where the swordsman was hoping to take him, but they encountered Hibari in the corridor about ten minutes later after Squalo had shouted angrily about getting lost.

(Tsuna still liked to call the next incident 'World War III' with a completely straight face, despite the fact that the battle had lasted less than twenty minutes. It had still caused damage worth a fortune and not only that, but Tsuna had gotten the blame from Reborn – and, subsequently, the punishment to go with it, even though he was obviously the victim.

If drunk enough or naked enough and prompted, he'd show off the scar he'd gotten on his thigh as a result of Squalo trying to fight Hibari at the same time as having a hold of Tsuna.)

When Hibari had shot at the two of them with a tonfa, Squalo had retaliated by letting his sword slide out – while his arms were still holding Tsuna's legs steady to his chest.

The blade cut through Tsuna's thigh, just about missed neutering him (wouldn't _that_ have been a fun story, Tsuna could just imagine hysterically explaining it in a made up scenario) and instead sliced through his femoral artery. At the same time, Squalo dropped him and leapt forward to clash with Hibari.

Tsuna used his towel to stem the blood flow as best as he could without flashing anything indecent and thought briefly back to his (horrifying) school years and biology lessons as he tried to recall how long it would take him to bleed out.

At this rate, he had about six minutes.

Two minutes into Hibari and Squalo's fight, Tsuna managed to snag an ankle and yanked one of them down (at this moment, he didn't care who because both were equally as scary), squealing in pain as they landed on his lap.

It was Hibari who was sprawled out on his legs, glaring at him, though the anger dissolved into vague confusion and blankness when Hibari lifted a hand and found it dripping with blood.

Tsuna gave him a charming smile (even as his head spun with dizziness) and said as cheerfully as he could (while bleeding to death), "You can continue fighting later Kyoya, Squalo-san, but if I don't get treated immediately, I'm going to die at twenty four in nothing more than a scrap of cloth. If one of you could go and get a Sun user or even someone who can stitch, I'd be grateful."

Hibari's eyes dropped from his face to his lap as if he suddenly realised the situation and then, without remorse or compromise (i.e. pushing the towel up out of the way instead of what he chose to do), promptly ripped the towel away even as Tsuna sluggishly moved to try and intercept him, shrieking about how Hibari shouldn't do what Tsuna thought he was going to do.

(Tsuna assumed he passed out shortly after that point because of bloodloss, but he couldn't get the image of Hibari staring at his crotch with a raised eyebrow and the word 'whao' on his lips, or the fact that Squalo leaned in over his Cloud Guardian's shoulder to steal a glance as well, out of his head.

He later found out Hibari had tonfa'd the Varia member unconscious for it even though Squalo inevitably bragged about it to others – Tsuna didn't even understand what there was to brag about! They were all guys, they had the same equipment!

To this day, Hibari was still smug for being the first one to see and Tsuna gave up telling him not to rub it in everybody's faces after the fourteenth time Hibari had callously mentioned it at the breakfast or dinner table. It was also the fourteenth time Tsuna choked on food or drink because of the other speaking about it like it was something for everyday conversation.)

* * *

_**Day Thirty Seven (One Month, Day Seven)**_

"You have to hide me Enma," Tsuna moaned. "Reborn's back tonight and he's going to find out what happened yesterday and then do something awful to me."

(It didn't matter in the end that he went to hide at the Shimon headquarters, Reborn found out about his injury and the mess that was caused anyway.)

"Why do you need to hide?"

"There was a fight in the eastern wing and a lot of things got torn up." Tsuna ruffled his hair, shifted his weight to his left leg absentmindedly and then winced, moving to brace his weight on Enma's desk and leaning closer to the Shimon boss as he did so.

"From the sounds of it, I doubt that's the whole story."

"I also lost two pints of blood during the incident and I have this huge cut on the inside of my thigh that's still healing. If Reborn realises I was hurt, do you have any idea what he might do to me? And if he found out I was injured as a _bystander_ dressed in nothing but a towel..." Tsuna shuddered. "I mean, can you – hiee! Enma! What are you doing?!"

Enma had walked briskly around the desk and was now attempting to undo the button of Tsuna's slacks, even as the other hurriedly tried to slap his hands away.

"Checking your injury."

"Its fine, you don't need to check it!" Tsuna pushed his hands away again and Enma abruptly backed him against the wooden piece of furniture. When Tsuna started flailing, somebody from behind him caught his wrists and he jerked his head back in shock, just to come face to face with an upside down and grinning Cozart who was on the other side of the desk, reaching over so he could help his descendant stop Tsuna from moving too much.

(The man materialised out of _nothing!_ Like Giotto did! It was both fascinating and frustrating! He didn't even know how Enma took it in stride like it was normal when apparently he'd only seen the man for the first time just a week ago!)

Tsuna felt his expression twist into disbelief and then horror when he realised he'd taken his attention away from Enma. Using Cozart as leverage – the Primo Shimon boss had a tight grip! – as well as the desk, Tsuna managed to buck his body and attempted to kick Enma.

Enma simply grabbed both legs by the inside of the knees (gently, because he was mindful of what Tsuna had just told him about being injured) and tugged them around his waist, stepping closer to Tsuna who resisted the urge to squeal, trying to push Enma away with his legs. .

"We're not going to hurt you or anything." Enma told him, trying to give him a placating smile as his hands moved back to the fastenings of Tsuna's slacks, pushing out the button before his long, bandaged fingers started working on the zip. "Don't look so worried."

(Tsuna swears up and down to this day that the only reason why he got out of that situation with his dignity intact - and not being stuck with his pants down to his ankles in another boss' office - for another day was because one of Enma's subordinates had burst into the room with news and promptly fainted at the sight he was presented with.

If it had been Adelheid who had walked in, Tsuna didn't know if he would've ended up with another scar, of if the woman would have attempted to help her boss in the removal of his trousers.)

* * *

_**Day Thirty Eight (One Month, Day Eight)**_

"Be _careful!"_ Tsuna yelped as Reborn's fingers closed down on his shoddily stitched thigh. He was sat on a seat; Reborn knelt in front of him as the Sun Arcobaleno looked at his wound. Tsuna was wearing shorts because he had very firmly told the other he was not getting undressed again by someone other than himself.

(Apparently Shamal hadn't wanted to help him, even when threatened. With Ryohei and Reborn gone at the time, it had ended up being one of the lesser Famiglia members who had stitched Tsuna's thigh while at tonfa-and-various-other-weapons-point. Reborn was taking it upon himself to fix it up. Tsuna didn't know how steep the price was and that scared him more than the look currently on Reborn's face.)

"Careful? Like you were?"

"How the hell was I supposed to know Squalo-san would be there?"

Reborn laughed almost harshly as he replied, "You're a mafia boss Tsuna; show some decorum and attitude befitting of one, like telling someone when they're in the wrong! Or, perhaps, use that intuition of yours to act less embarrassingly!" His hand tightened again and Tsuna squealed in pain, even as Reborn's pacifier, which he still wore around his neck, began flickering with Sun Flames and the ache in Tsuna's leg started to fade away.

"Squalo-san is a member of my _Famiglia!_ I shouldn't be threatened by him like you apparently seem to be!"

Reborn gave a snarl and suddenly jerked up, briefly headbutting Tsuna before their teeth clashed when the hitman initiated (He thought he could have trusted Reborn to be somewhat decent!), squeezing on Tsuna's thigh when the brunette tried to squirm away.

(In the process of getting free, he'd fallen face first into the carpet before kicking his feet out and managing to get a lucky hit of his heel against Reborn's jaw, giving him enough time to run away just to trip over Gokudera's body in the corridor.

Tsuna was upset after that incident, not just for the obvious reason but because he was certain Gokudera had seen – the Storm Guardian had been passed out in the hallway when Tsuna had finally managed to get free. They had only just gotten Gokudera out of his fainting habit, and now it was starting up again.)

* * *

_**Day Forty (One Month, Day Ten)**_

"You're ranked 'number one most desirable mafia member'."

"Fuuta, stop already please."

"You're also ranked 'most likely to find someone in their bed'." Silence. "It happens that often?"

"You're here aren't you?"

"...Tsuna is ranked 'most likely to be oblivious to sexual advances'."

"Fuuta."

"'Most likely to be groped'."

"Fuuta, I'm warning you."

"'Number one choice for any Mafioso.'"

"Choice for _what?_"

"'Girlier than a girl'."

"Now that _has_ to be wrong!" Tsuna threw himself at Fuuta who lifted his book out of the way just in time to stop Tsuna from snatching it off of him.

With his frantic dive, Tsuna ended up falling off of the bed, face first, and Fuuta laughed softly at him, leaning down to rest a hand on his side as he said quietly, "It's okay Tsuna. It isn't _all_ bad."

Tsuna just moaned in despair.

(He later found out that all but the last entry were true. He almost sobbed but then simply decided not to and rubbed it in Fuuta's face that he wasn't _all_ that girly.

Fuuta had laughed and demanded he prove it.

Tsuna almost fell for it. Almost.)

* * *

_**Day Forty Two (One Month, Day Eleven)**_

Tsuna blinked blearily at the figure standing to the side of the bed before he quietly asked over the sound of soft breathing, "Chrome? Why are you just stood there? Where have you been lately?"

(He hadn't seen her since the first time he'd noticed her in his bed. She was at the breakfast and dinner table, but unless it was for reports, she never approached him and always scurried away from him.)

"Recently, I've noticed how uncomfortable you seem with all the people in your bed. I was staying in my bedroom but..." she faltered and then carried on, "I couldn't get comfortable and came to ask permission to sleep with you, boss."

Tsuna felt his heart go out for the female Mist Guardian and wriggled himself around, until an arm was free. He then used that arm to elbow the person next to him (he was pleased in the morning to see a bruise on Byakuran's pectoral muscle – not that he was looking when the Millefiore pulled his shirt on!) until they moved away slightly. With a small space now beside him, Tsuna gestured towards Chrome for her to come closer.

She hesitated for only a second before moving so fast (honestly, he'd never seen her dart forward that quick before, even with all the bodies/obstacles in the way) that he barely saw the blur of movement before she was settling into his side, fingers grasping meekly at his night shirt even as he let his arm fall around her.

"It's uncomfortable, but not unwelcome. I don't think I could sleep without everybody here now."

(Yes, he could. He would give his right arm for a quiet night, but he wasn't going to tell her that.)

"Thank you boss."

"You're welcome Chrome...Please don't do that."

"S-Sorry boss. Mukuro said – "

"Please don't."

"...Yes. Sorry boss."

* * *

Here you go! Chapter Three! Or 'I should have been revising for a chemistry test and instead I wrote this'.

Writing this is a good exam stress relief though.

Ohmigosh at all of the reviews, favourites and follows though! Thank you so much! Again, to those anonymous, I can't reply to you personally but I thank you anyway!

By the way, since I don't know when I can update after this (school) here's a teaser for the next chapter title!

**Chapter Four "_It's l__ike the first time we met but with more nakedness."_**

I'm going to keep tabs of review votes in chapters but maybe put a poll on my page for others to vote that way, and then just compile them altogether on a document somewhere lol.

I'm also intending to having a separate 'story' filled with oneshots and drabbles of Tsuna's life with his unwanted Harem lmao. I'll be picking people at random to ask them what short oneshot they want and probably (maybe) get round to doing it someday lol. (Yay or nay?)

Reborn: 8  
Byakuran: 8  
Xanxus: 7  
Fon: 7  
Iemitsu/Nana (Reaction):7  
Primo Generation: 7  
Enma: 6  
Arcobaleno: 6  
Classmates (Reaction):6  
Colonello: 5  
Squalo: 4  
Belphegor: 4  
Yuni: 4  
Verde: 4  
Spanner: 4  
Giotto: 3  
Wild Card! Box Animals (Funny suggestion of animeXbooksXmanga):3  
Fuuta: 3  
Alaude: 3  
Varia: 2  
Dino: 2  
Chrome: 2  
Haru: 2  
Basil: 2  
Shouichi: 2  
Cozart: 2  
Fran: 2  
Mammon: 2  
Skull: 2  
Genkishi: 2  
Hibari: 1  
Kyoko: 1  
Bianchi: 1  
I-Pin: 1  
Gamma: 1  
Lal Mirch: 1  
Timoteo/Ninth: 1  
Daniela/Eighth: 1  
Kikyo: 1**  
**


	4. Like the first time but more nakedness

Chapter Four _"It's like the first time we met but with more nakedness."_

_**Day Forty Four (One Month, Day Fourteen)**_

"It's like the first time we met but with more nakedness," Tsuna noted despondently, tugging absently at his restraints and wondering how he got himself into these messes.

"Except this time you're legal," was the reply he was given and Tsuna found himself nodding before the words registered and he turned to the other person present, mouth falling open as he made to voice his despair -

"Not you -" (too!)

- and was cut off by a lollipop being shoved into his mouth.

"Calm down Vongola. I'm not going to hurt you or anything."

A jingle of metal, the creak of bedsprings and then a soft rustle of baggy clothing.

"Then why are you getting closer?" Tsuna mumbled nervously from around the lollipop in his mouth.

(At the vague taste of coffee mixing with the orange, he realised that his companion had been drinking the bitter hot beverage before he'd started on the lollipop – Tsuna almost spluttered when he realised that he had basically been given an indirect kiss but he was neither a young boy nor a girl and so couldn't really complain.)

"I told you I'm not going to hurt you already."

"That's what Enma said before he attempted taking my pants off."

"That sounds like a challenge to me. You haven't got any pants on for me to take off though..."

"_Let go of that pillow before I murder you, Spanner." _(That was his 'Patented Boss Voice'. It was designed to get even the most unruly of Famiglia members to listen regardless of the situation – Tsuna still had to deny, even though there was an inkling of truth in it, that he got some sort of pleasure from watching normally dismissive people like Mukuro or Hibari snap to attention when he used the _voice_.

The effect was ruined only slightly by the fact the lollipop had fallen from his mouth during his warning and had landed on his chest, just below his collarbone.)

"Duly noted." Spanner let his fingers unhook from the pillow that was on Tsuna's lap, keeping him covered, and then sat back on his knees next to Tsuna. The young Vongola boss was, at the moment, handcuffed to the bed frame completely nude apart from the aforementioned pillow, with no explanation as to how he got there.

"Where am I? And what are you doing here – _Spanner!"_ Tsuna's voice pitched embarrassingly high and almost cracked when the blonde reached forward, picked up the lollipop from Tsuna's chest and then leant forward to run his tongue against the sticky, pale orange residue left against the Decimo's chest from the sweet.

"Oh? That was an interesting noise, wasn't it?" Spanner twirled the piece of candy between his fingers before leaning close again. He stopped short at Tsuna's yelped words of –

"If you don't do that and help me get out of these cuffs, I'll spend a whole working day with you in the near future to further perfect the X-Burner!"

Spanner tapped the lollipop against his teeth speculatively, the clicking noise the motion made sharp, before he nodded and crunched down on the sweet, leaning forward to squint at the handcuffs.

"These are mine, Vongola. They restrict Flames for your more voracious enemies."

"I already know that Spanner, otherwise I would have been out of them a long time ago. Can you get me out or not?"

"Did you have an interesting night?" Spanner deadpanned and was rewarded by Tsuna bucking his body in indignation, face bright red. (He had to fight the urge to choke in panic when he almost dislodged the pillow – he'd noticed how Spanner's eyes had darted in the direction when the pillow had shifted half an inch. Tsuna still couldn't get Hibari to stop talking about it, he'd no idea what Spanner would do should he catch a glance.

He silently despaired when he remembered the days when nobody wanted to see him nude – at least to his knowledge.

All of those times his clothes were torn or he lost them when hit with the Dying Will Bullet suddenly seemed more ominous.)

"Spanner!"

"Next time invite me along, Vongola. I have plenty more toys for you to try."

"_Spanner!"_

A click and the cuffs fell away, Spanner leaning down slightly so he was hovering over Tsuna, rolling the lollipop stick between his teeth as he murmured, twirling the cuffs lazily around on a finger, "I'll be waiting."

(Tsuna still loathed admitting that the next time he saw those cuffs involved Spanner again too though, thankfully, the incident involved more clothes and less attempts at removing anything. He was still the one to get tied up, however.

And he never found out what he was doing in a foreign bed (until the next day) or why Spanner was there when he first woke up (he was never offered an explanation) or even how he'd been stuck to the frame to start with. He only vaguely remembered white hair and a grinning face. (And then it became obvious)

When he was asked later on that day why he hadn't been at the Vongola Headquarters in the morning and had just arrived in the early afternoon instead, dressed only in a jumpsuit several sizes too big that smelled strongly of oil and _Spanner_, he was too embarrassed to admit what had happened.)

* * *

_**Day Forty Five (One Month, Day Fifteen)**_

Tsuna felt the weight on the bed shift and, after a few mutterings of discontent from the others, a body dropped heavily on top of him, driving the air out of his lungs. Too tired to deal with it almost, Tsuna squinted his eyes open to glare at Byakuran, seeing the flickers of orange in his eyes reflect in Byakuran's own.

"What do you want Byakuran?" he hissed quietly (and likened himself to sounding angry when, at the most, he sounded like a disgruntled kitten).

"When I tie you up on my bed with specially made handcuffs, please don't escape before I get home again."

"It was _you_ who undressed me?!"

(And that was how Tsuna found himself sleeping on the couch in his office again after having to order his third bed of the month.

He thought he'd be by himself. Turns out, the others – after the epic battle that went down between his Guardians and Byakuran (he wanted to know so badly how Byakuran had been given a bloody nose by a _pillow_ but didn't dare ask_)_ – had gathered their duvets and pillows and camped on the floor of the office. He found out when he woke up to go to the toilet, tried to get out of bed and stepped on Mukuro's stomach.

The Mist Guardian had then dragged him down and didn't let him go – as soon as he woke in the morning, he was off like a shot to the bathroom, probably breaking Mukuro's nose while he was at it - and, despite the fact they had started out spread out across the room, the others in the room steadily made their way closer during the night. Tsuna only figured this out when, after escaping Mukuro, he had tripped over Yamamoto, accidentally elbowed Lambo and then ended up kneeing Gokudera in the groin before he managed to get to his feet again.

It might have been somewhat cute if it wasn't terrifying.)

* * *

_**Day Forty Seven (One Month, Day Seventeen)**_

Tsuna swallowed the horror that threatened to overwhelm him as he stared at the slight woman in front of him.

"Tsu-kun!" Nana called enthusiastically, dropping her small travel bag (there were suitcases piled behind her, dragged there by Famiglia members) and quickly stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Tsuna and hugging him. "It's good to see you!"

(Tsuna tried to hurriedly recap the last few days up until the last few hours so he could remember whether or not he had red marks visible on his neck or if they were only peppered across his chest and hip – He still needed to have a word with Mukuro about what he was teaching Chrome. She kept trying to – what she thought was discreetly – slip her hands under his clothes while next to him in bed and had the tendency to nibble on his collarbone when she thought he was sleeping. It was a little endearing, almost adorable, and a smidgen creepy, if invasive. Yes. He needed that talk with Mukuro.)

"M-Mama...It's good to see you but how come you're here...?"

"Oh, Papa invited me! Isn't it wonderful?"

"V-Very...Papa too?" Tsuna tried to keep the fright he was feeling out of his voice upon seeing Xanxus over his mother's shoulder, the older man giving the pile of suitcases a very unimpressed, critical look.

(His stress levels were climbing and his stomach was basically eating itself with anxiety at the moment. He didn't want Xanxus to do anything foolhardy.)

"Yes! We're staying until after New Year's, too, but Papa doesn't get here for a few days yet!"

Xanxus caught sight of him.

(Tsuna felt something in him crumble away to dust – he thinks it was his soul - as the Varia leader raised an eyebrow upon seeing him.)

An unholy expression crossed the tall male's features and then he was approaching them and Tsuna was trying to stop himself from having an aneurysm induced by stress, frantically trying to remember his breathing exercises so he wouldn't have a fit then and there.

Reluctantly, he let go of his mother and forced a smile just as Xanxus stopped next to them and greeted him with a sombre, "Tsunayoshi."

"Oh, Tsu-kun, is this a friend of yours?"

"Busi – "

"Boyfriend," Xanxus immediately broke in, face impassive though when Tsuna turned to look him, he was sure he saw the glint of evil or..._something_ in his eye.

Nana barely missed a beat smiling brightly at Xanxus before she turned to Tsuna, "How wonderful Tsu-kun! How come you've never introduced him before?"

(_Because he's not my boyfriend_ Tsuna wanted to wail. _Because I'm eighty percent sure he wants me dead and this is all a ruse for me to lower my guard.)_

Instead, he smiled and forced himself to say without even the slightest hitch, "I was a little worried of disappointing you Mama, in case you wanted grandchildren."

"Because you like men, darling? Oh, I've known since you were just a teenager that you liked men Tsu-kun, with all those cute boys you surrounded yourself with. Some pretty girls too, but mostly boys." Nana reached up to pat his face gently, smiling, before she turned to Xanxus, offering her hand towards him.

(_Not you too, mama! _Tsuna sobbed mentally. _Why am I the one who found out last?_)

"I'm Nana Sawada. You are...?"

Xanxus shot a smirk towards Tsuna as he pulled Nana's hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles, while Tsuna almost cried at her soft giggle. "Xanxus Vongola. Let me help you with your bags and then perhaps we can talk."

"What a wonderful idea! I'll see you at dinner, Tsu-kun! Reborn-san told me it would be around seven, is that right?"

Tsuna just gave a weak smile and watched as his life fell to pieces in front of him in the guise of his mother and the man pretending to be his boyfriend.

(Xanxus was the devil incarnate he decided. But that wasn't his immediate concern. His concern was having his Guardians _behaving_ at dinner and not going at Xanxus' throat should he show up and start spouting out lies again.

Tsuna casually walked towards the wall and pressed his forehead to it before he sank to the floor on his knees, repressing the urge to sob. As one would expect, he failed miserably)

* * *

"You are all going to listen to me _now!" _Tsuna roared it, raising his voice for the first time in a while, with the Patented Boss Voice , and slammed his hands down on the desk for emphasis, hearing the telltale crackle of a Flame blooming on his forehead.

All noise in the room faded away and all eyes turned to face him. Tsuna had thought ahead and gathered not only his Guardians but the Varia members in his spacious office in case they came bursting in at dinner time, the topic of this gathering – as they were prone to do.

"My mama is here." He let his eyes flicker around the room and noted an almost humoured expression on Reborn's face. "She'll be joining us for dinner tonight and I assume for other nights as well, if she isn't spending them with papa. I want you to be on your _best fucking behaviour." _

(There was the smell of burning from underneath his hands but he studiously ignored it, as well as the almost...he didn't know what the expression Belphegor had made because of what he had said – he suspected it was the voice more than the words - but he didn't want to analyse it either. He had a sneaking suspicion he knew what it was and quickly pushed his thoughts away from that route.)

"That means up to and including, no groping, no rude comments, no inappropriate actions of _any_ kind and..." Tsuna sighed here, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose because it would probably end in agonising pain. "Until stated otherwise, from today onwards, Xanxus is my partner. At least until mama has gone or I can convince her we're not 'dating' as he insinuated."

Silence.

"What the actual _fuck?!"_

And then there was pandemonium.

"_Enough!" _Tsuna shouted, and attention was on him again. He kept the Voice up to have their attention, fingers now digging grooves into the desk (he had the sense to not sob at the loss of another piece of furniture but it was bound to be lost sooner or later). "You're going to take it and like it. Best behaviour. Or there will be _consequences."_

The room was quiet for a moment before Fran asked, "Could you repeat that first part?"

Tsuna blinked a few times and then slowly said, "You're going to take it and like it...?"

"Ah. Well, I can't do that, Vongola-san." Fran cocked his head to the side. "I prefer to 'give' rather than 'receive'. I can give it to you and like it, but I won't take it that well."

Tsuna face palmed (and subsequently singed his shirt and tie because his hands had been burning faintly) to hide the blush that had spread across his face.

(While his face was covered he was glad enough to hear the soft thud of impact that suggested Fran had been hit because of his comment.

Tsuna almost started planning on faking his death and then absconding to the Caribbean when Mukuro casually commented something about teaching the other well.)

His heart almost stopped when Reborn came right up into his personal space and looked just about ready to murder him, hands clenching and relaxing before he suddenly grabbed Tsuna's hair and stole another kiss with a (filthy) murmured promise.

Hell, predictably, broke out again.

(Tsuna had been too busy catching his breath to stop them because Reborn used the distraction to take _another_ kiss, deeper this time and almost dirty, all teeth and tongue and accidental whimpers, before one of his Guardians – Tsuna didn't see who – ripped Reborn away and dragged him into the fight in a whirl of limbs.

It took minutes of frantic teeth brushing until the taste of black, bitter coffee was out of his mouth.)

* * *

"X-Xanxus move your hand." Tsuna jogged his leg violently to try and get the Varia leader to move his hand which was (high, way too high!) on his thigh, the thumb rubbing his inseam. (Tsuna felt as if his face was bright red, and was pretty sure his mama knew what was going on because she was peering at him over the table and giggling happily for him.)

"Tenth asked you to move your hand, so I suggest you move it," Gokudera hissed from Tsuna's other side. He always sat at the right of the Decimo. Xanxus, being Tsuna's 'boyfriend' had claimed the seat on his left.

"You think you can tell me what to do?" Xanxus bared his teeth at Gokudera, sliding his hand up further.

Tsuna abruptly stood, knees banging into the table as he did so, and almost fell over had he not braced his hand on Xanxus' shoulder. Xanxus then took the initiative to wrap an arm around his waist and tug him closer. Only by squeezing Xanxus' shoulder did Tsuna not topple into the other's lap.

Slowly leaning down and keeping a perpetual smile on his face, Tsuna whispered out of the corner of his mouth, into Xanxus' ear, (studiously ignoring Nana's giggles), "If you don't let me go, you'll have to eat your meals for the next week through a straw."

He likened himself to sounding threatening because, at the least, Xanxus let his arm slide away – though not after an inappropriate enough grope that Tsuna choked back a squeal by coughing it into his palm as he sat heavily into his chair, swatting Xanxus' hand as it crept towards his leg again, hissing, "Act your age already."

"I would like to, but unfortunately you're stopping me from doing so."

"At least not at the table, Xanxus." Tsuna felt his upper lip twitch, and briefly wondered if it would scare his mother should he suddenly stand again and attempt to flee. (Though, he somehow knew, if he tried to run away then at least three people present – more, definitely more, - would tackle him and give him some impromptu touches before they tried to help him up.)

The rest of the dinner, inevitably, went downhill from there.

(Nana had garnered the – correct – assumption that Xanxus wasn't who he said he was to Tsuna, and that the other males in her son's life were more than just friends, or, at least, striving to be more than friends.

Tsuna periodically checked his face in every mirror he passed because he was certain that he was permanently red from blushing since Nana tracked him down later that evening and pushed a packet of condoms into his hand with a murmured 'be careful', 'choose well' and 'I think they're all sweet' before she merrily walked away as if she hadn't traumatised her only child for life.)

* * *

_**Day Fifty One (One Month, Day Twenty One)**_

Tsuna felt the stirrings of horror (and a little hate of the Christmas season) stir up inside of him as he glared at the object of his ire, a sprig of mistletoe hung to the doorframe of his office, far too high for him to reach. (He was hoping the offending plant would burst into flames with his fierce stare, but it wasn't happening.)

The mistletoe wasn't the only problem. It wasn't even the biggest problem.

Mukuro was stood on the other side of the doorway, smug smile on his face as he waited for the Decimo to step forward, as he inevitably would have to.

Tsuna, in the safety of his mind, cussed out the Christmas season (Mukuro was a full eleven days early and it had soured Tsuna's mood) and made to slowly back away, before turning away from Mukuro and stalking back over to his desk, deciding that staying stuck in the room wouldn't be too bad for a couple more hours. (He ignored his male Mist Guardian's simpering complaints from the doorway and willed his headache to leave already.)

That was when he was abruptly tackled from behind and flipped onto his back, Mukuro having snagged the mistletoe from its high perch somehow and waggling it above his head with an almost lecherous expression.

(Gokudera helpfully informed him later that day, that Tsuna's screech of outrage and the ensuing noises of destruction afterwards had been heard on the other side of the property. His Storm Guardian had then cocked his head to the side and told him; in such a frightening tone that Tsuna almost gaped at the attitude of the other, that he hoped Mukuro hadn't done anything untoward to him.

Tsuna, worried he may lose one of his Mist Guardians should he say something that would give Gokudera the slightest implication something had happened, simply shook his head, afraid his voice may have betrayed him.

Despite denying that Mukuro had touched him, Tsuna could still remember the warm, dry lips that had pressed chastely to his cheek before Tsuna had shoved the elder male away.)

* * *

_**Day Fifty Three (One Month, Day Twenty Three)**_

"I'm not sure if I should congratulate you on having such a strong family, or worry for you, Tsuna."

"Please worry, papa." Tsuna said to his desk, cheek pressed to his worksheets and arms hanging loosely to his sides. "Mama's already trying to set me up with one of them. Or two. Or _all_ of them."

Iemitsu choked softly in surprise and turned it into a quiet clearing of his throat. "How many are there?"

Tsuna was silent for a long, long moment. Eventually, brow furrowed, he lifted his head and muttered, "At the moment, at _least_ twenty."

Before Iemitsu could reply a soft voice called from the doorway, "Please, Tsuna-dono, change thine number to twenty one. I too – "

"Don't finish that sentence Basil!" Tsuna launched himself to his feet, and was wholly unprepared for the dark expression that chose to cross Iemitsu's face as he advanced upon the lithe, blue eyed young man, slapping his hands down onto small shoulders.

"You, I, and the rest of Tsuna's admirers are gonna have a long, nice talk about whether or not it's appropriate to perve on Tsuna."

(From that moment, Iemitsu completely redeemed himself in Tsuna's eyes, from a lazy, no-good father, to his saviour. His newfound admiration of his father spiralled down the drain shortly after because Iemitsu wouldn't tell him exactly _what it was_ that caused the normally mild mannered, if happy-go-lucky Yamamoto to approach Tsuna later that day _just to shove a hand down his pants._

Gokudera once again told him his screaming was heard from the other side of the property.

Yamamoto crept into the meeting later that evening with a sheepish expression and an arm in a sling. Tsuna was blushing too hard to meet his eye.)

* * *

_**Day Fifty Four (One Month, Day Twenty Four)**_

"But you – "

"No."

"But you let that – "

"No. You've already stripped me naked. You had your chance and you lost it Byakuran."

"Tsuna-chan!"

"Whining will get you _nowhere."_

"All I want to do is get in your pants!"

"_No."_

* * *

_**Day Fifty Five (One Month, Day Twenty Five)**_

Tsuna felt the air leave his lungs explosively as something clipped the side of his ribcage, sending him hurtling to the floor before he managed to manoeuvre himself to land on his feet, hands clenched to the sound of his gloves creaking. He almost flinched at the appearance of Reborn by his side (it was hard not to be a little scared of the man because of his younger years but, at the moment, Reborn's expression was death itself) and a hand glowing with Sun Flames settled on the sluggishly bleeding wound that had been caused by a grazing bullet.

Focused on Reborn's healing, Tsuna was surprised at the lack of being attacked – he was only trying to practice and hone his skills and the would be assassin had shot him out of the air from he wasn't sure how far – because surely, if his assailant had known he wasn't dead, he would have been approached once more.

At the scream of horror no more than a hundred metres in front of him in the forest behind the property, and the flare of purple flames that peaked above the tallest trees, Tsuna knew the hired killer had met the most awful of fates.

Not two seconds later, Hibari was stalking out of the foliage like some sort of wild cat, face blank as he walked towards Tsuna, hands still gripping bloody tonfas.

Tsuna was a little upset to realise he was expecting it when Reborn scooped him up, ran off, and was promptly chased by Hibari.

(He was frightened it would degrade into another tug-of-war. He didn't know whether or not to be thankful that Basil snatched him from Reborn's arms as the hitman ran by – to the comical look on Reborn's face, Tsuna gleefully noted – before disappearing into the Vongola mansion, quick enough not to be caught.

It was almost sweet that, when Basil later backed him against a wall, the young man whispered for forgiveness in touching him, and then asking permission to do so again. Sweet as it was though, Tsuna wasted no time in ducking under an arm and running for it, hoping, with every corner he turned, he'd be safe.)

* * *

_**Day Fifty Six (One Month, Day Twenty Six)**_

"W-What is that?" Tsuna asked apprehensively, dressed in no more than a baggy shirt (that used to belong to Yamamoto) and loose silk boxers (that once belonged to Hibari and had all but been forced onto Tsuna with the threat to wear) as he nervously eyed the contraption his father held.

Iemitsu, stood in the doorway of Tsuna's bedroom and letting his eyebrow twitch as he observed the multitudes in Tsuna's bed, held the device up and cheerfully stated, "It's a chastity belt!"

"_Get out."_

(Tsuna wasn't sure who said it, from the bed behind him, but chills ran down his spine and he gave his father an apologetic smile as he reached out to, reluctantly, start to close the door lest a fight break out.)

* * *

There we go! Chapter Four while I can get it out!

My first exam is tomorrow (13th of May) and my last is on the 6th of June. Needless to say, I'm not gonna be on much (only on now because this exam is a resit and I know what I'm doing. Mostly.)

Anyway, thanks for all of the reviews and etc!

Keep telling me your favourite characters! I'm not going to keep the list on here but on a separate document and I'm also gonna stick a poll up!

Anyway, enjoy!


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